If you want to teach your children to listen, you must listen. If you want to teach them to be healthy, you have to make healthy choices. Knowing what we want for our children is the easy part. Unfortunately, telling them over and over only goes so far. We must show them how to “walk” through our actions as parents in day to day life.
In one study, a psychologist from the University of Queensland in Australia named Mark Neilsen, wanted to test children and how they imitate adults. He set up a situation where children were given a box with a simple opening mechanisms. The children were allowed to play with the box and open it first. Then they watched an adult from their community open a box to retrieve the toy. The adults did unnecessary steps, including touching the box with a feather. When the children were given a turn, they copied every step the adult did to open the box, including the steps unnecessary to opening it. This behavior was consistent among 90 children from both Australia and Africa ages 2 to 13.
This research suggests that children will copy the adult’s actions, even imitating ways that are not efficient. Parents in the household set the patterns that children will follow. When and what the parents do, have shown to shape the habits and future preferences of the children in the house. Children model parent’s behavior subconsciously by absorbing the patterns in the environment and repeating those patterns in their behavior, whether good or bad.
What
are many children copying in today’s modern world? In the last 30 years, we
have seen a rapid advancement of the economy. We have utilized new technology
that has transformed many parts of our lives. We now have televisions, smart
phones, laptops and video games that have changed the way we spend our free
time, work and communicate with each other.
Children are growing up watching an average of 4 hours of television a day. It is no wonder they are doing so. Entertainment through technology is very easy and requires no work. Children don’t have to run, explore or find something to do. Additionally, parents are increasingly using their smart phones and computer in the home. Sherry Turkle, a director from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Initiative on Technology, conducted 300 interviews with children. She was investigating how parent’s technology use affects children. What she found was the children had feelings of neglect, jealousy and competition with technology across the board.
Along with this technological advancement, we have seen a transition of mothers to the workplace out of necessity to contribute to the household’s income. Nowadays 52% of children have a mother who works. Not only that, 50% of children are living in a single parent home by the time they are 18. A busier lifestyle leaves less time for children to spend with their parents and observe what to do from them.
A study
from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found that
when mother’s go back to work in the child’s first year, the first 7 years of that
child’s development are the same as if the mother would stay home. This
suggests that children fare well in childcare facilities. With the knowledge
that children are imitating everything they see during those years, choosing
who will spend time consistently with your child will determine how they
behave. Armed with this knowledge, parents can observe their child’s behavior
and find the origins in those main adult figures in the child’s life. “What
example are you living?” is what parents must ask themselves. “What is my child
learning from those around us?” is another important question for working parents.
What does an unobscured child’s eye see?
Life is very busy in today’s culture, but taking the time to connect with our children on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical level is an investment worth slowing down for. Also, ensuring other caregivers of young children are connecting with them and setting the example we want is crucial. It is natural instinct for children to want to be like adult figures who they love and are attached to. The foundation for how children will interact, think and make decisions in the future is formed by watching the people who have a regular presence in their life. Let us choose wisely!
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